Matt's Adventure

I am thankful for my parents because without them I would obviously be a hobo.

I built a website for my friend who has deemed himself an “artist”. I spent about 40 hours coming with a business name, building a website, making business cards, creating a logo, taking photos and literally teaching him how to use Facebook. I also host his website and bought his domain names for him. I charged him about $250 for the work since we have been friends for along time. I never got the money or heard back from him for a couple months.

Well he sent this message below in 7 text messages at 9am this morning.

“Hi Matt,

So i I’m sorry that I haven’t got you that check yet. Buisness is finally getting good.. its hard for an artist.. even more so when his website is so outdated and there are viruses popping up. So if you can find some time give me a call.. or I can just pay you off and do it myself…So resend me your bill and let me know.. this website is killing me.. hope all is well with you buddy.

Thanks bro

And I didn’t mean for that to sound rude. It’s just that the more I know it feels like thus is just not workn. I can do a website and all the changes for like 5 bucks a month and I can add pics and all that shit.. I’ve posted a lot of pics on Facebook and I never heard from you that we could throw them up .. I just figured that you don’t care that much and its about the money, which is fine, just not for me when you are my friend. So hit me up later. And I hope all is good with ya brotha.”

Good times.

A few years back I made a spelling mistake on my phone for my friend Tyson. I spelt it Tynos instead. From that spawned the name Tynos Conquerer of Nations mainly due to the fact he does Muay Thai and could beat the living hell out of me and all of you at the same time.

Well, the nickname may have gone to his head. Just read his recent email below:

As you know I’ve been traveling to the east coast for work. In my travels a rivalry has begun, kind of like the east coast/west coast rivalry of the 90’s.But instead of battling other rappers, I’m just battling the entire landmass and mother nature, or maybe the government controlling those things (for you conspiracy theorists).

I’m not sure if the East Coast thinks I’m trying to conquer it or just feels inferior buy here’s what I’ve encountered so far…

1. In June I went to Kentucky an battled three tornadoes that all were within 2 miles of my hotel. First time the weathermen could remember even one touching down in Louisville, it also rained 3 inches in one night, tore up Churchill downs, U of Kentucky…not me though.

2. Went to Chicago in beginning of July, had golf ball sized hail thunderstorms that cracked the window of the rental car…I was walking home in all of it.

3. End of June I went to Virginia, in Norfolk there were wildfires that the smoke was so thick I couldn’t drive, then in Richmond my hotel caught on fire and destroyed a floor in the biggest hotel in the city.

4. This weeks can you guess where I am? DC! I had a 100 year earthquake that I didn’t even feel. I don’t bother noticing them if they are under 6.0, but as I was walking up to the Washington Memorial when it happened I had to hold it up cause it started to fall. Now I’m encountering a hurricane that’s supposed to evacuate NYC for the first time in the city’s history…Laughable! Ha. Is this all the east coast has?

Notable mention.. In June went to Tennessee and went through a storm where it rained so bad it shut down the highway I was on. Also had that big East coast heatwave…my jock strap gets hotter than that when i do Muay Thai.

So as you already know, even with all these feeble attempts the East Coast can’t stop me! I’d conquer it but it’s jut a waste of my time, I conquer nations not just territories

Above is a photo of 60,000 bags in a landfill, which demonstrates there is a small issue with plastic bag use. People are trying to fix the issue.

The Bellingham City Council voted 7-0 on Monday, July 11, to approve an ordinance that will ban most plastic shopping bags within the city. Bellingham shops will now charge customers 5 cents for each disposable paper bag they use at grocery stores. [FULL STORY]

I personally love the fact that Bellingham is banning plastic bags and I absolutely hate the amount of bitching people are doing about how much of an inconvenience it is. Whatever happened to a little bit of self sacrifice for the greater good?

Some of the comments posted on the story and the Facebook post are just ridiculous and I would love to respond to them, but I can’t do that…

Reader: “Looks like I won’t be shopping in Bellingham anymore.”
Me: “You are going to drive somewhere else to shop? You do realize gas is more expensive than bags, right?”

Reader: “I reuse and recycle my plastic bags. The garbage has to go in something! I’m on food stamps and can’t pay for each bag use. The reusable bags I’ve seen are pretty cheaply made and don’t last long. They will also be filling up the landfills.”
Me: “I have had the same reusable bag for three years. Get a job and get off food stamps.”

Reader: “wtf….thats really not ok…i am 34 yrs old who the hell are they to tell me what i can and cant use….”
Me: “Lady you got way bigger problems. Literally, you have bigger problems (see photo below).”

Reader: “As a mass murder who has used plastic bag suffocation as my preferred method of ending lives for over 20 years, this comes as a devastating blow. What am I supposed to resort to now, City of Bellingham? Poison? BUTT OUT OF MY LIFE!!!! Grant…ed, I have gotten spoiled on these high-density, resin identification code 2 bags, but it’s not the bag’s fault they make ‘em so good nowadays! Looks like I won’t be spree killing in Bellingham anymore. It’s a shame, too, I’m gonna miss the potato burrito at Casa.”
Me: “Finally someone I agree with.”

Due to forces outside of my realm of knowledge I get a lot of friend requests on the Facebook. I am fairly open to accepting random friend requests since I use Facebook to whore out my photos and websites for page views.

Sometimes I just have to deny people though…

Chach, Austin and I missing around with some flashlights and my camera July 3rd.

4th of July Etiquette Rule 1: After blowing something up make sure to yell America repeatedly.

I thought a hipster was a person who follows the latest trends and fashions, which led me to believe the latest trend is to pretend you are homeless and wear jeans made for infants. That appears to not be the case anymore and I have noticed a rift in the hipster community.

This all started last Sunday when I was playing ultimate Frisbee (that’s hip right?) with a few friends and half of the band Fresh Espresso in Bellingham at Laurel Park. Sure we may have looked like hipsters with P Smoov wearing a karate head band and Darwin, well was being Darwin, but I didn’t think we were any different than the skinny jean, Vans wearing kids in the park tossing the disc with us. Well, I was wrong because we were called out for being hipster in a derogative manner.

“Hipsters give me diarrhea”, said the girl with a giant racoon back pack, thick rimmed glasses and blue hair.

I just don’t think she realized that she was saying her racoon back pack gives herself diarrhea. Hipsters once rejected the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers/people, but now they are starting to reject the attitudes of other hipsters. Can’t we all just wear cut off jean shorts, ride razor scooters, sport mustaches and get a long?

English: A tribute to Canada with Dwight Schrute.
French: Un hommage au Canada avec Dwight Schrute



English: And you know the British Monarchy doesn’t actually do anything right?
French: Et vous savez la monarchie britannique ne fait rien faire de bien?



English: Also, could you guys pick a language so I don’t have to write all of this in French also to ensure all of you can read this?
French: Aussi, pourriez-vous les gars ramasser un langage si je n’ai pas d’écrire tout cela en français aussi à assurer chacun d’entre vous pouvez lire ceci?

English: Don’t worry Canadian Friends. I got plenty of American jokes for July 4th. Happy rioting!
French: Ne vous inquiétez pas amis canadiens. J’ai obtenu beaucoup de blagues américaine pour 4 Juillet. Émeutes heureux!

Believe it or not I use a rotary phone on a regular basis at work to troubleshoot PBX phone system issues. Today this stupid phone gave me a great idea for a short film. Time to do some writing in Final Draft…

A gem from the depths of the Bellingham cops log.

Officers watched a man dancing on the sidewalk drinking from a pint of MADDOG 20/20 orange jubilee near the Horseshoe Cafe. He was creating a disturbance. He was contacted for the 407th time and cited for Consuming Alcohol in Public and his MADDOG was dumped out, much to his dismay.

This summer I have three time lapses projects. These usually entail me leaving the camera in a secure location, on a tripod, for 2.5 hour (typical battery life) time spans snapping a photo every minute.

Here is the list:

1. Full 24 hours of Bellingham out the window of Nimbus (10.5mm).
2. Full Farmer’s market from setup too take down out the Herald building window (10.5mm).
3. Wild Buffalo full time lapse from 10pm to to 1:30am on a busy night (50mm).
4. Bellingham Bay Sunset (50mm).

If you have any suggestions for music feel free to post them in the comments.

Sometimes clients need immediate assistance for an emergency. Sometimes the text on the homepage of a website needs to be changed exactly at 10:58pm on a Sunday when the developer needs sleep post sickness (streptroat) and pre work (7:30am) the next morning.

The client comes first though regardless of their approach and grammatical tendencies.

10:58pm – Begin Text message conversation.

Client: Hey!!! I need you to change the wording on the website right now!!! I will email you the details right now!!! Thanks man!!! Big deal, sorry for the late notice. Emails sending soon!!!

Developer: No worries. Just let me know when you send it.

(15 minutes passes)

Client: Sent!!!

(5 minutes passes)

Developer: Fixed. Have a good night.

Client: FYI featured posts dont work yet…

Developer: The featured posts worked fine. I fixed the post you made. Make sure to read the documentation. Just send me any other issues via email and I will get to them tomorrow. Thanks.

Client: Thank you!!! the owner was freaking out…I am going to get metal on the site tomorrow. Your the man!!!

Developer: No prob. It’s actually you’re the man, but thanks. Have a good night.

Gotta give the client credit for using exactly three exclamation marks each time. It’s all about consistency in unnecessary punctuation in emergency situations!!!

For a rock star birthday party theme one of my friends dressed up like the sexy saxaphone player in this video:

This then led us to make this video:

I discovered a Tumblr that focuses on Save By the Bell the television show that I managed to watch for quite sometime not realizing how horrible it was. This Tumblr, lolslater.tumblr.com, shows how Saved by the Bell is funnier in retrospect.

Here are some samples:

“My deepest, darkest secret? OK, one time my mom made me wear a pair of unpleated jeans. It was humiliating. They didn’t even have a built in belt.”

“Are you guys ready for a cold hard truth? As long as you live, as hard as you try, you’ll never be as cool as Zack Morris. Loljk, you guys are perfectly adequate.”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!! LOUD NOISES! Wait…caffeine pill relapse”

“With an impressive 2:1 ass to leg ratio, Kelly officially has the tallest ass of early 90s teen programing.”

“How did Slater and Princess von Fake Euro-Country find time to raid my grandparents closet before their tee time?”

“Holy shit. Look how big of a…Christmas tree you can get for $35!”

This television show has even inspired a photo project for myself featuring the Saved By the Bell era phone:

Little known fact: I stole that cell phone from a halloween party. It is the only thing I have ever stolen.

On Feb 19, 2011, I wandered around Bellingham.

The night started off with Seattle band Kore Ionz at the WIld Buffalo.

Then I walked to the Cobra Lounge to see the Bad Tenants.

Then back to the buffalo for Rise N Shine.

Then street performers.

Then a house party with DJ Booger.

This photo is blurry due to the concern it could one day hinder their ability to get a job. It was a dance party.

Then I slept for 10 hours.

Yes, I just won $2,500,000.00, according to the awesome/believable email from Mr. Kane Iva you can read below. I believe the “Lotto as part of our tax relief program set up by the International Lottery Board and Yahoo Inc” is completely legit. I responded to the email and I will continue emailing Mr. Kane Iva and Her Majesty’s Department of the Treasury until I get my $2,500,000.

YOU WON 2,500,000.00 UNITED STATE DOLLARS!!!

Dear Lucky Winner,

We are Pleased to inform you that your email was selected among the winning numbers of the recently Lotto conducted from the Lottery Company and we shall be glad if you can claim your prize, please respond to this mail within 72 hours otherwise we will assume that you are not interested.

We conduct the Lotto using Lotto as part of our tax relief program set up by the International Lottery Board and Yahoo Inc, on this note we congratulate you and wish you best of luck as you claim the prize attached to this Lotto.

HOW TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE

These are your identification numbers.

Ticket number…………………085-12876077-09
Serial number…………………..51390-0
Lucky number……………….03-05-12-14-28-38
Ref number……………….N.EGS/3662367114/13

You are to send the completed verification form below to the coordinator whose email address is given above so that you will be advised on what to do to get your prize money. Congratulations once more!!

1.FULL NAME………………………..
2.COUNTRY OF ORIGIN………………….
3.PRESENT ADRESS…………………….
4.POSTCODE………………………….
5.DATE OF BIRTH……………………..
6.OCCUPATION………………………..
7.SEX……………………………….
8.TELEPHONE NUMBER……………………
9.FAX NUMBER(IF ANY)………………….
10.MARITAL STATUS……………………..

Remember, all prize money must be claimed not later than 30 days of receiving this notification.
Any claim not made by this date will be returned to HER MAJESTYS DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY.
And also be informed that 10% of your lottery winning belongs to (THE PROMOTIONS COMPANY).

Because they are the company that bought your ticket and played the lottery in your name.

Note also that this 10% will be remitted after you have received your winnings prize, because the money is insured in your name already.

THAILAND CONTACT PERSON: MR. KANE IVA.
(Winner’s directorate office)
E-Mail:coordinator_offices@yahoo.co.jp
TEL:+(66)894501146
Office Fax: + (66) 261-382-62
LOTTERY CO-ORDINATOR.

Jebus Lives! Brought to you by P Smoov of Fresh Espresso.

Shopping carts are under utilized in the modern-business world. If your business doesn’t have some laying around I recommend picking a few up. They are available at Fred Meyer and they are free!

This wonderful tool of technology has enabled me to traffic 15 + old school monitors to their imminent doom. For this I say thank you shopping cart.

Here is a video of Danny P and myself skimboarding. Enjoy. You can see all the skim videos I shot over on EqualMotion.com just by clicking here, here or here.

I have not been to a college house party for quite some time. Last night I changed that. My brother’s band Spillway from Seattle had a show in Bellingham at the Contra house. It was a damn good time.

They just released their 1st album last week and you can check out their music at SpillwayMusic.com.

After a horrible Super Bowl loss and losing a NBA team the sun shined a little bit on Seattle sports fans today with Marshawn Lynch and the Seahawks beating the World Champion Saints in the playoffs.

I find it to be funny that I am officially a Web developer, but I have been given the task to rip apart old hardware that was once used to help create a newspaper. Not only is my job online killing print readership, but I am physically killing machines that created the print product.

These machines are negative printers. The negatives that were printed on that machine were used to create plates for the printing press. Since we outsourced printing (in fitting American fashion) we don’t need these printers anymore.

These things used to beep for hours until someone fed the machine chemicals. There are no more beeps. The printer was carried off by fork lift to its imminent doom.

You see all kinds of random things while working at a newspaper like claiming the Seahawks are part of the NWC (high school football) instead of the NFC West (professional football).

Or maybe it was that random “IT Emergency Support” message you got from someone at work at 11:07pm at night about their keyboard being “dead” although they still managed to type you the message…on a keyboard attached to a computer…

And then there was the random tweet accidentally linking this tweet to a story about a stabbing.

Then you see random mistakes like this that were not caused by the newspaper and it makes it all worth it:

Moral of the story…everyone makes mistakes…even people who work at newspapers and people need to stop be so overly critical.

If you wear high heels and tube socks you are a hipster.

I see my photos pop up all of the time on the Internet on people’s Web sites and blogs and often without my permission. It’s just part of the Internet age.

But when people are using photos of me as photos of them for their profile photo I don’t know if it is flattering or creepy.

I noticed on the DB Facebook Fan page there was a photo of me making a comment in Spanish

I didn’t remember making that comment or changing my profile photo or knowing Spanish that well or changing my name Hector Crz, so I thought this was very odd. I investigated and he has been saving my photos and posting them to his account and tagging himself and others.

I had no idea Mexico looked so much like Bellingham Bay?

He even has gone to the extent of saving photos of my Friends like Dmac and tagging his friends.

On top of this he sent an email to DB trying to get sponsored claiming the photos of me were him. It’s funny he emailed photos he was trying to pass off as himself to the guy who was actually in photos. Classic.

Moral of the story I am glad he goes to my Web site even though he steals photos of me and this is more flattering than anything else. I did send him a friend request and a message in Google translated Spanish. It will be interesting to see what Hector my long lost Mexican skimboarding twin brother says….

Here is me falling on a lame 180 shuv it. I thought it was funny. Laugh at my expense please. Thanks.

Here is a stop motion animation I made awhile ago featuring Megaman and Bart Simpson. I am going to make a couple more of these once I get a larger light box.

Who wants to make action figures come to life with me?

Lunar eclipses have long been associated with superstitions and signs of ill omen.

331 BC
The defeat of the Persian king Darius III by Alexander the Great in the Battle of Gaugamela in 331 BC was foretold by soothsayers when the Moon turned blood-red a few days earlier.

1504 AD
An eclipse is credited with saving the life of Christopher Columbus and his crew when they were stranded without supplies on the coast of Jamaica.

According to legend, Columbus, looking at an astronomical almanac compiled by a German mathematician, realised that a total eclipse of the Moon would occur on February 29, 1504.

He called the native leaders and warned them if they did not help, he would make the Moon disappear the following night.

The warning, of course, came true, prompting the terrified people to beg Columbus to restore the Moon — which he did, in return for as much food as his men needed. He and the crew were rescued on June 29, 1504.

2010 AD
An eclipse was blamed for slowing down computers leading to the near demise of local news in Bellingham.

A newspaper designer was left helpless at the newspaper due to a missing toolbar in Microsoft Word that he blamed on “computer weirdness and the eclipse”. The paper could not come out until the user right clicked on the toolbar re enabling it. A heroic IT person is called in to help with the right click. The problem was solved, but the newspaper was late and the newspaper designer still blamed the heroic IT person for not fixing their computer although there was nothing wrong it.

The IT person logged the user’s access of Facebook, Ebay and YouTube proving it was the user not the computer who caused the newspaper to be late.

+ 1 for IT people everywhere.

And for the record:

I luckily had my camera to capture what Santa does when he comes to Bellingham. He wanders from bar to bar downtown.

Japanese Tourists are ranked number one in the world when it comes to beach fashion. Like the The swim diaper below.

The beach utility vest.

The beach utility vest comes in handy when taking photos of action figures on the beach, which this guy did for a solid five minutes.

Next time you go to the beach consider your options.

A creationism-themed amusement park is expected to open in 2014 in northern Kentucky. The Park of Creation is expected to draw 1.6 million visitors a year.

“Bringing new jobs to Kentucky is my top priority, and with the estimated 900 jobs this project will create, I am happy about the economic impact this project will have on the Northern Kentucky region,” Kentucky, Gov. Steve Beshear said in a prepared statement.

The park will feature a walled city, live animal shows, a children’s interactive play area, a replica of the Tower of Babel, a 500-seat special effects theater, an aviary, a journey through biblical history, a first-century Middle Eastern village and a full-scale replica of Noah’s Ark.

There are so many questions to be answered about The Park of Creation. What are 900 employees going to be doing at the park? Will they serve food? What kind of food? Will fruit be sold? Will there be a bar? Will there be dinosaurs at the park?

“Well, you know the position of Answers in Genesis so you can probably answer that yourself. We’ll have appropriate animals on the Ark based on—I’m sure we’ll have representative kinds of animals on the ark, to include dinosaurs,” said a representative from Answers in Genesis, the group that will operate the theme park.

Who wants to go to Kentucky?

Source

I drove around Texas for nearly four days last year, which gave me a lot of time to photograph their road signs due to boredom.

I believe this sign is to alert visiting terrorists and hippies to not mess with Texas.

This is just kinda creepy. Just one Girl Scout is over there?

These signs are everywhere…so much for separation of church and state.

I just got this email.

Subject: Help!

Message: Plug for headphones came unplugged and can’t figure out which is the right plug-in on my hard drive thing.

There are only two available places to plugin headphones into a computer.

So much for trial and error…or thinking…

I love the white sand beaches of Lanikai in Kailua, Oahu. It always makes for the best warm flatland skim sessions. Luckily when I got to Hawaii my friend Matt, who lives there, is a pretty good photographer.

It’s crazy flying back from Hawaii to Washington due to such a dramatic weather change of 80 degrees to snow. I am already plotting on my next trip for some sun. Mexico anyone?

She is not just the “dancing headphones lady” she is 51-year old Rachel Foreman. A still life painter that has been featured in over 33 group art exhibitions and 6 solo art exhibitions in the Bellingham/Seattle area. She was born in Albamarle, North Carolina and attemded art schools in Ohio and New York in the 70s and 80s. Later on she attended a Veterinary school in Tennessee and moved to the Pacific Northwest in the late 90s.

“I have chosen the still-life as my subject because it affords me the essential elements of space, form and light. Also it allows me the privacy, convenience, and comfort of working indoors. I keep my arrangements simple and spare so that I am not overwhelmed by visual stimulation,” Foreman said at an art exhibition at Blue Horse gallery.

She has been featured at Boundary Bay, Whatcom Museum of History and Art and Lisa Harris Gallery in Seattle to name a few of the over 50 places that have hosted her art.

“Why have I persisted with the fruit in bowl motif) for over twenty years)? This astounds even myself. The perishable and sensuous nature of the fruit lends intimacy and immediacy to the subject. Also the rounded forms resemble celestial bodies and hold similar mystery in their illumination. I find the spatial relationships, the definition and subtleties of shadow in this microcosm fascinating. Thus my reduced selection of subject matter yields endless study,” Foreman said.

Now when you see Rachel breaking it down at the Wild Buffalo you will know a little bit more about who she is and where she came from. She is an artist, that values her hearing, loves a good beat and has no fashion sense whatsoever.

Last night I went to The Half Bees show and there weren’t a lot of people at the Fairhaven. Our group of friends were there…but more importantly local Belebrity, Rachel the Dancing Headphones Lady, was there. She didn’t dance for the first two bands, but she did dance for The Half Bees. Rachel knows talent when she hears it. This can only mean one thing The Half Bees are going big.

Editor’s note: I own these pants.

Follow these easy steps:

Step 1: Buy drugs and get robbed by the drug dealer.
Step 2: Retaliate by stealing a chihuahua from the drug dealer who robbed you with a baby in your van outside.
Step 3: Get caught.
Step 4: Have your baby taken away by child protection services due to being unfit parents.
Step 5: Steal your baby the next day.
Step 6: Get caught again.

Here are the stories I am referencing that I helped cover the past two days:
Stupid criminal story 1
Stupid criminal story 2

Sometimes at work I am asked to find information on criminals online for work. For instance, today I was asked to see what I can find out about some suspects of a “drug deal gone bad.”

The first name I searched for I found on Facebook and I could tell she was a criminal immediately due to her quick bio “GAWD! facebook is weird I love Myspace and I don’t think I’ll ever leave!!”

She also left her wall open (if you are a criminal make sure to check your privacy settings) to the world. On Sept. 17 she said “oh yeah, and i am a bitch”, which reinforced the May 16th comment of “I’m a bitch”.

Only a bitch would steal a person’s pet Chihuahua. Investigation closed.

Some of my friends have given me the nickname “Dad”. I am three years older than a majority of these guys and the ongoing joke is when I was three I fathered several children. It has also been said I have this nickname beacuse I am the only one with a “real” job (Danny said that).

I am just getting around to editing some of my GoPro skimboarding footage from this summer and I found this clip of Danny and I skimboarding.

A. My dad’s name is “Randy McDonald” not “Randy McDonalds” (his real name is Randall, which is way too close to Ronald if you ask me. My dad was adopted though and his parents were idiots. Seriously f’ing idiots).

B. My dad graduated from Bellarmine College Preparatory in 1969.

C. He admitted to creating an account, but will not admit to spelling his own name wrong.

D. He hasn’t accepted my friend request in over two months.

The Blaine police logs are priceless. Here are a few from the past week.

DUI Alcohol / Traffic Offense (DUI) Liquor

During patrol an officer spotted a car weaving its way north on Peace Portal through the downtown area, using both lanes of the roadway. He initiated a traffic stop and contacted the driver, who explained he was driving that way “because I’m buzzed”. Asked how much he had had to drink, the motorist explained “a lot”. Roadside sobriety tests confirmed that the gentleman had a strong grasp of current events. After he was arrested and processed for Driving While Under the Influence, the 21 year old Lynden resident was released to a family member.

Trespassing/2nd Deg. / Trespass/2nd Deg.

A resident on 11th Street near the border woke up and looked out her window to see a gentleman she did not know taking down a tent in her back yard. Since the tent was not hers, it appeared he’d spent the night there. A police officer arrived in short order to meet the outdoorsman. It turned out the guy had been denied entry to Canada late the night before, and was very tired when he hiked south a little ways to pitch his tent in the dark under a tree. He was very surprised to wake up to see a house outside his tent. He apologized for the trespass and quickly packed his gear for the journey back to San Francisco.

DV Verbal Report

Just after 2am, police responded to a report of a domestic dispute in an apartment on F Street They arrived and found that two of the three people there had been drinking and got to arguing over a card game. They were advised to quiet down and agreed to do so. When officers departed the trio was deciding to have something to eat and go to sleep. It sounded like a fine idea.

I have been sick for three days now. Banished to my apartment where my only friends are television, the Internet and books. Mostly television though.

I have been bombarded by commercial advertising mainly by basketball commercials due to NBA season starting. Everyone has been talking about controversial Lebron James commercial where he speaks of being a villain and questions his decision to move to the Miami Heat while leaving his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers in shambles.

in my opinion, the James commercial has been overshadowing the much better Derrick Rose commercial featuring Ken Jeong (Señor Chang from the television show Community).

Moral of the story don’t blog on Nyquil.

I have been going to a lot of weddings and bachelor parties recently. On the most recent excursion to Portland for a bachelor party I tweeted quite a bit. Let’s review…

1. Portland bound in a giant truck.
2. At McMenamins where there is a plentiful resource of beer and tater tots.
3. Dmac is alive.
4. Dmac is making Russian taxi drivers angry.
5. Pretty sure we just found the Royal of Portland. McFaddens.
6. 2:05am and last call is still 25 minutes away.
7. Girls aren’t even wearing clothes in this bar. There must be a clothing shortage in Portland.
8. Dmac got beat up by a guy named Emmanuel from Astoria last night.
9. On a train. Just saw a fierce mullet.
10. A bunch of Sonics fans are at the Blazers VS Warriors for #mmsargeBachelorParty.
11. Mullets are everywhere in Portland!
12. Nothing like rooting for UW in a Portland bar. Huskies #FTW.
13. Dmac is alive again.
14. I just ate a chalupa. My body hurts.
15. Just looked at the photos and video on my camera from #mmsargeBachelorParty and it is hilarious!

Here is a video of Dmac at the end of the second night. He parties hard and sleeps even harder. Enjoy.

Moral of the story. Please don’t invite me to your wedding or bachelor party if it is within the next 6 months. I need a break.

Can you fix this for me Matt?

We have clothing for men, but nothing for women. Nothing at all.

Oh, you didn’t get your newspaper. You should go to our dellvery form on our Web site. It’s a new type of delivery.

It’s scientifically proven that dbag’s actions contribute to 98 percent of all that is wrong with the world, according to the University of Phoenix. Dbags sometimes drunkingly (< new word) yell at bike cops and then get into their cars believing they will get speed away from the scene exchanging high fives. Due to the lack of common sense in these type of situations dbags often find themselves being pulled over by bike cops followed by backup waiting a block away.

Don’t be a dbag. You will never win.

On Oct. 9 I attended a outdoor wedding in Bremerton. It has been known to rain in Washington and on this day it rained. To solve the issue of the falling rain they had 300 hundred umbrellas. The only downfall of that was no one could see the wedding and since they had no microphones no one could hear it either. Other than that it went really well…